Prophets, the original masters of time wasting. We've got a whole section dedicated to them.
He prophesied the apocalypse, but forgot what he said. Good luck getting any help from him.
His prophecies always start with "Baba said..." and end with "You're welcome."
This guy's prophecies are always about how the world will end, but somehow always seem to be about cheese.
Random Prophet 1, Random Prophet 2, Random Prophet 3
We've got more, but you're not ready for that level of existential dread.